Tuesday, September 8, 2009

我好想逃~逃离这不开心的家~

和家人再三翻脸了

我不行了

我好想要离开
离开这伤心的家
我不想呆在这里了
在这里~
我没有自己能够决定的权力
在这里~
我没有自己可以判断的能力
在这里~
我没有自己应有的支持
在这里~
我总被操控
在这里~
我总被拒绝

为什么?
我要负担这么沉重的责任
为什么?
我要被别人限制我的权力~
为什么?
我不能像个可以自己决定事情的男生
为什么?
我不再勇敢一点
为什么?
我不可以喊出我自己的话
为什么?
我不可以表达我的内心的话

难道?

我想自己做决定有错吗?
难道?
我想有自己的权力又错吗?

难道?

我不能做回我自己吗?
难道?

我真得那么失败吗?

难道?
我真的是个只依靠家人的人吗?

你们是不是想把我给杀掉?
你们知不知道?
每当你们拒绝、无视、甚至连听都不听一听我说的话的时候
就等于是在抹杀你自己孩子的性命呢?
你们知不知道?
当你们那种在你们脑子里那听话的孩子有多困难吗?!!
我努力扮演了
你们想要的孩子
但是~你们却没有替我们想过我们想要怎样的父母~!!!
我好累~

真得很累~

Saturday, July 18, 2009

我没勇气~我觉得~我是个懦夫

觉得很奇怪为什么是这个标题吗?
很简单~个人的感觉咯~
刚才回想起来~
从小学到现在~都觉得我很"废"~
一无是处,被同学讨厌~被同学欺负(全班)
印象最深刻的~是被冤枉偷东西~
结果老师带我去教务处,打手印,记录。
老师很心痛~说我应该坚持自己~别被影响的~
那是曾老师(一年级到三年级)~我最喜欢的老师~
到了中学~我尽量不要树立敌人,而是建造朋友~
但是~都不是咯~
我的人际关系都很糟糕~
制服团体~St.john~
第一年~很值得回忆~
是我最开心的一年~
但是~不长久
第二年~大家都变了~
我被讨厌了~我不知道为什么~
我很渴望知道我到底做错了什么~
我被他们当作讨厌鬼了~
是什么原因呢?
到现在我还在问我自己~
第三年~我很少出席了~
然后~就没出席过了~
毕业了~我只和几位朋友保持了联络~
宗力~st.john的一员~也是我的好朋友~
只有他~没什么距离感
然后~在外面
还是到最后被讨厌~在不知的情况之下~(rachel)
和另外几位(coco,yen,tratra)~
她们可是很好的朋友~
跟她们一起我觉得很舒服的(不因为她们是女生)~
我真的很希望~我有机会~与他/她们做回朋友


我希望~
不孤独
不被讨厌
不被抛弃
不再失去
不被冷落

Friday, July 3, 2009

我想搬走~离开家~i wanna move out from my house~

我想搬走~离开家~
刚才两个多小时前~
我和全家人吵架了!!~
想知道什么事吗?

往下看就知道发生什么事了~
晚上~回到家了~我就坐在电脑前咯~
玩我的电脑~
然后,我那屋里(无礼)的姐姐~
带着她的“鸟样”伸手说
“拿车钥匙来”
如果那无礼姐姐
会在后面又一句"please"
我就会给她的~但是
很可惜没有那么说
反而还摆出那个“鸟样”给我看
看到那个“鸟样”就不爽~
就决定不给~
她还不会改掉自己的语气~
还越来越大声
说车子是她的名注册的~
我就立刻回她
说:
“这部车如果我在马来西亚的时候买的话这部车的名一定不会是你的~”
“又不是不知道被你驾出去的每辆车都会有损伤回来的~”
“而且放你的名是暂时性的~这是属于弟弟的车”
“自己有车怎么不驾回自己的~啊?”
“你要借的话就先问过老妈~!”
这时候~这个混蛋弟弟~两个真的是一模一样的~
就跟她说不用跟我借啦~
走下去拿后备钥匙
我真的是被他们气到~
我就要责骂弟弟
还没骂
反而
手指指着我叫我安静~!!!
我真的疯了~
大声骂他们两个~
就回房间~
妈妈开门过来问我发生什么事~
我跟妈妈说去问那两个同类~!!
过后就开始大混乱~
骂来骂去~
妈妈说~
弟弟和姐姐不对~
弟弟没把我当哥哥~敢跟我斗凶
那个“鸟样”的问人要东西的态度很有问题~
而我最近脾气很暴躁
我跟妈说~我快崩溃了~
我想搬出去住
我忍受不了~
我开始很激动~身体都不能控制了~
全身抽筋~眼睛白眼球都红了~
到现在都还没退~
好像伤到神经了

Monday, June 22, 2009

3天的事情~






hmm....好久没上来了~




不过还是有写在日记里~


现在就把星期五~星期日的事情都写下来吧~







19/06/2009(星期五)


今天,原本下班了过后~要和已经约好的朋友去玩snooker。8pm出门~但是,很不幸的~我被放鸽子了(%$#@^&*)~打给他又不接~算咯~再打一次~接是接通了~可是他却播放那个"the number you have dailed cannot be reach at the moment,plz try again later"?!竟然玩我!!我真得火大了!!算~!我就找另一些朋友咯。可是,我打给的人~竟然没一个接我电话~15位耶~我打给15位朋友~都没一个接~自己一个人在外面~驾着车乱乱逛~从farlim到gurney~再到batu feringgi~乱乱走~觉得好孤单~好难受~难过~觉得胸口空空的~就停在某处~想事情咯~想完了~回到家2.30am~准备睡觉的~结果睡不着~就对着电脑~到天亮了~到7.30am

20/06/2009(星期六)


到了7.30am~累过头~睡了~到中午1.15pm~接到电话~爸爸打来的~说今天会回来~2.00pm爸爸又打来叫我去KL载他,因为出车祸了~原本准备好了~可是突然又打来讲不用我去了~有人会下去接他们~过后我打给我一个朋友(没见过面的)~原本她说好今天见面的~她说她在QB做工~我听了幌了一下~她说是临时的~没办法咯~挂了电话~就想了想~也好久没去QB了~去看看咯~顺便看她在做什么工~然后去朋友的店坐坐~到了7.30pm就回家了~回到家~家里没煮~没东西吃(可怜吧?)~就不吃了~坐在电脑前~聊天~看FS~TAGGED~FACEBOOK~漫画~过后~爸妈都回到槟城家了~我问爸爸那辆车怎么样了(快是我的宝贝车了)?爸什么话也没说~拿起电话~开了他拍的照片~



我的天啊~(@~@)







心痛~(>~<)





唉~我的爱车~(T.T)





可恨的SAGA车主(><)
你活该~谁叫你驾那么快~还害到我的爱车受牵连(T.T)
INSURANCE CLAIM 死你~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
当我看了过后~我快晕了~我的宝贝爱车~(T.T)被撞屁股了~那辆SAGA得车主受了重伤被送进医院急救~活该~驾那么快~不死的话~算你命大~气死我了~用你的insurance Claim 死你~o(>_<)o
心情好地落~就刚好一个朋友~上线~LAMLAM~聊天问起我今天怎样了~就跟他讲咯~昨天发生什么事了~唉~刚讲完~就那感觉又回来了~好难受~结果~又一天7.30am才睡~T.T




21/06/2009(星期天)
今天早上11.15am就被爸爸叫醒了~起床洗刷,冲凉之类的~等妈妈回来~1.30pm一家人出去吃饭~去 LILY VEGETARIAN 那边吃午餐~好久没去了~还有的是大部分的工人都换了~煮出来的食物都没有以前光顾的水准了~唉~吃完了~就回家咯~然后打给昨天工作的朋友~向她买东西~帮她给爸爸的工人~然后今天又是她的生日~祝你生日快乐哦~^^想请你吃东西的~可是你在工作~而且你又说了有朋友买蛋糕给你吃了~好咯~没办法~下次吧(希望)~买完了东西~就跟她说掰掰了~回家~吃晚餐~过后就一直对着电脑咯(到现在3.05am)~好了~要睡了~晚安。

Monday, April 27, 2009

搞砸了~我的朋友关系~

今天~
将会是我一生以来最后悔~
最糟糕~
而且最无力的一天~
下午五点多~
我去赴约~
去解释一些事情~
可是~我却把事情弄得好模糊~
我的表达能力很差~
还好~慢慢的~一步一步~
解释到清楚~
好了~
我想向两个朋友很诚恳地说一声
“道歉,对不起~我骗了你们”
因为我欺骗了她们~
纸包不住火~
我知道我做了很错的事~
那是因为我爱炫耀~
说我很幸运~
结果相反的~
我倒霉极了~
朋友~物品~钱财~
三个都失去了~
我好想挽回朋友~
其它的~
我都可以不要~
我只想要挽回我的朋友~

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Yeah~im back to Malaysia~

Yeah Yeah~
at last~
im back to malaysia~
hmm....
yesterday reach subang airport~
5pm~(delay 1 hour~)
shit~
but nvm~
still better than cancel flight~XD
hehe~
so my dad pick me up and straight back to penang~
we had a little break at Ipoh~
take a shower somekind of that~
after we prepare to get on track again~
a phone call from work~
says need us to get something back to penang
if there is any space in our car~
so ok lo...
we drive to the place~
but~bad luck~
on the way to the place we wanted to go~
suddenly the car broke down~
haiz....
the water pump was too hot and
the airconditioner paip was broken~
so we call the worker come to pick us up then send him back to the hostel~
then we drive another car back to penang~
when we reach penang is already 3.20+am
very very tired~:P

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Fun on Saturday~Cinema~in thailand~

Woah~
today was the most awesome day in thailand~
hmm....
lets start from the begin~XD

28/03/2009
10.49am~wake up~
actually i was thinkimg that should i go for movie~
or just cancel it~
well....luckily that i dint cancel it~
because~
one of my classmates was
going for movie too~
my friend who stay in the same house~
says that the classmates was going to~
hmmp~well...okok~^^
more friends go for movie would be better~
11.00am~prepare myself~
after had some meal for my breakfast~
we just go to the shopping mall that name called~"Siam Paragon"
one of the famous mall in thai~
11.45am~
it just took 30+ minutes to arrive there
but still have to walks for little time
we just go for window shopping~
then drop in a bookstore~
lol...it was fun enough~XD
because saw something interesting~XD
and also abit embarassing~
haha
saw a couple doing something naughty~(you know~that things~XD)
but just only me~
my friends was not around
busy reading a books call
"The Game""把妹达人"
Hahaha~
and i was reading about something else~
1.45pm~
recieve a sms from my classmates~
says that she is going to the cinema now~
meet us at there~
so i call up my friend
and meet up at the cinema
then we get to the theatre
the seat are very nice~
i mean~really nice~
compare with the cinema in malaysia~
hmm...
before the flim was played~
in the theatre~
we need to stand up
sing thailand country songs~
(=.=")
we watch the movie named"Knowing"
it was totally awesome~
even the ending was a bit sad~
but the story was nice~
hehe~

4.10pm~
the movie had ended~
so we just split up with classmates and head back to our home~
and do the things we should have to do~XD

Friday, March 27, 2009

F*CK damn internet line


27/3/09~10.25pm(thailand time)
haiz…
already 5 days~
~5 DAY~
cant get online~
damn pissed off~
hate this Internet line~
the speed damn slow~
always disconnect~
Argh~why im so bad luck~
now I can use is because im stealing someones wireless system to get online~
damn internet line you better quickly get back on system~

Monday, March 23, 2009

今天收到了一张很不错的文章~^^
每26个英文字母都拥有的特别意思~

A------Accept(接受) “世上没有十全十美的人”。记着,你爱他,就必须接受他的一切,甚至他的缺点。

B——belief(信任) 不信任对方,经常以怀疑的口吻盘问对方,这种互相猜度的爱情就只有分手下场。

C——care(关心) 关心的程度正好表现你对她的重视程度,间或打个电话给她关心地问候一句:“工作辛苦吗?”又或者发短信给她:“天气凉了,别忘了加衣”。这些关心未必有实际用途,但起码能令对方暖在心头。如果还有情书,当然更OK:)。

D——digest(理解) 我们不是圣人,总有情绪起伏的时候,若对方是“凸”的时候,你何不做“凹”去忍耐一下她,安慰一下她呢。

E——enjoy(欣赏) 你应欣赏对方的一切,欣赏这段爱情带给你的开心、幸福。这样,你便会爱得更愉快,不要只懂埋怨,在鸡蛋里挑骨头。

F——freedom(自由) 纵然已婚,也应给予对方应有自由及保持秘密 的权利。你的另一半不是你的终生奴隶,不要让她认为跟你结婚就等于被困笼中。

G——give(付出) 爱情这样东西不一定是你付出“一”,便会收回“一”。但不付出,便一定没有收获。对你的爱人,应有如对自己一样,毫无保留地付出,这才算得上真爱。

H——heart(心) 爱情最重要的道具是心,你必须真心对待,用心去爱。没有心,又怎称得上真心相爱。

I——independence(独立) 甜言蜜语的人会说:“我是为了你而生。”其实,每个人都有自己的生存意义,不应过分依赖对方,成为对方的沉重负担,甚至累赘。

J——jealousy(妒忌) 适当的妒忌、呷醋能表示你对对方的重视,但切记是合情合理的呷醋;反之,毫不讲理,大发雷霆地呷醋,必惹反感。

K——kiss(吻) 一吻胜过千言万语,轻轻的一吻已能代表你惜她、爱护她,所以请不要吝啬你的红唇

L——love(爱) 都说是爱情,没有爱又怎会有情呢?爱跟喜欢不同,爱一个人,你必定愿意为他做任何事,这是最高的境界。亲时不妨跟对方说句“我爱你”,担保比任何礼物来得甜蜜开心。

M——mature(成熟) 为什么一般人的初恋总会无声无色地惨败,因为年轻人多恋爱得较幼稚。况且,没有一个人会喜欢对方长年没头没脑地蹦蹦跳跳。人成熟一点,你的爱情便会早熟一点,直到开花结果。

N——nutural(自然) 很多人初拍拖时都会把一切的缺点隐藏起来,变成另一个人。日子久了,缺点才一箩箩地出现,令对方吃不消。其实,不做作,流于自然的爱情才是细水长流的。

O——observe(观察) 经常细心观察爱侣的喜好,不但能更了解对方,更能给他惊喜。那份心意必定比礼物来得珍贵。

P——protect(保护) 做男朋友的当然要保护女朋友,但做女朋友的亦要保护对方的尊严,不应容许别人中伤、侮辱你的另一半。

Q——quarter(宽大) 宽大是基本的要诀,对爱侣的错误,以宽大的态度原谅他,因为你是最爱他的人。

R——receive(接收) 对于爱侣为你所做的,请不要表现得无动于衷,令他气馁。她付出,你便应以欣赏的态度去接受,这才能令感情更进一步。

S——share(分享) 若你爱他,就必能与他分享他的喜与哀,这是作为一个伴侣最简单的责任。

T——tender(温柔) 歌都有得唱《Love me tender》啦!爱人当然要温柔地爱,因为男人女人缺乏温柔都不可爱。

U——understand(明白) 不明白对方的想法,对方跟你说话,你永远只独自发呆,那就是一段缺乏沟通的爱情。多站在对方立场,将心比心地想,必定能更了解你的另一半。

V——veracity(诚实) 对爱情,必须一百倍的诚实,你也不想你的另一半是个“大话精”吧!时常互相欺骗的感情又怎能天长地久呢?

W——wait(等待) 等待是维系一段感情的基本元素。最重要的是你要与他同步成长,同步走完这段人生路,千万不可一个走先,遗下另一半在后。

X——“X”(乘法符号) 把你对他的爱每天以倍数地乘上去,爱情自然变成无限大,爱情走也走不掉。

Y——yearn(想念) 工作或不在一起时,不妨多想念对方,间或致电或传呼他说句“我很挂念你”必能令对方甜在心头,更起劲地工作。

Z——zest(热情) 像小龙女般虽然貌若天仙,却冷若冰霜的情人,除了杨过,相信都没有人愿意跟她一生一世。所以,适当的热情能加添不少乐趣,但切忌过分热情。

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Life In Thailand~Gonna End~

刚剪头发~好像没什么变~


HarLo~
哈咯~




Long time dint update my blog ~
好久没写Blog了~
Too busy ~
太忙了~
but fun~XD
但是很好玩~
After this month~
读完最后这个月

im gonna say good bye for my students friend in UTL~
我就要和我学校的同学说再见了~

because im gonna back to Malaysia
因为~我要回马来西亚
for continue my study in Malaysia?
(or maybe~AUSTRALIA)~
继续读书~升学~
(可能会跑去外国)
depends the cost
先看看价钱咯~
if same price~i will select other country~

如果外国和马来西亚的一样的话~我会选择外国~
Planning to take the Nursing course
(weird isn't it?)~XD
打算去读Nursing~很奇怪吧?
(男生应该很少会读这些吧~)

now searching Which College are better~XD
现在就在大搜索~看那间学院最好~

And congratulations to my little brother~
还有的就是~恭喜我的弟弟~

1st~Have his own car before get his driving license~
第一~是因为在还未拿到驾照就先有一辆车了~(羡慕吧?)

2nd~Change school
第二~就是他要转学了~离开那神经病的学校~




lol...
哈哈

Wish me luck~

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Back Malaysia~^^

Yeah~
Tomorrow is the day~XD
is the day that i back malaysia ~^^
Damn happy~XD
i can go hang out~
drive my lovely car~
meet my best friends~
XD
still got few hour more to go~XD
so happy~XD

Friday, February 27, 2009

Character of me~said by the horoscoper~XD

AQUARIUS MAN

Hot-hearted man who likes to do thing his way. He can suddenly decide to do

something without thinking of it's outcome. He is the type of guy with an
inside energizer, so if you fall in love with this type of guy be
"patient",
even if you have to follow him a bit. His creative mind could create
fantastic idea any time. If you do not understand or can not follow him,
you
won't be with him for long.

A man in this Zodiac will less likely to have a pale skin, and if he has a
scar, it would be on his face or on his head. He moves very fast and very
energetic, and he has a very self confident in himself. He is not the type
to sit down and feel sorry or regret anything for long, especially with
"Love". He loves justice. He dares to show his opinion or even argue about
certain subject even he knows it might bring him problems. A straight
forward type of guy.

He hardly lies except if he think it is necessary and he is not a good liar

anyway. He will not lie to you about serious matter, but if he lie he will
lie only a small little thing. He is gifted with the ability to be a very
social person. He could talk even about subject that he has no knowledge
of.
He interests only at the present time and look at the world positively.
Many
times he feels hurt because of reality, but he will not run away and he
will
overcome that difficulty.

Even he is a high and self confident type and center his own thought as a
main focus, but at the same time he is a kind, cute and polite guy. He
certainly is not a mean person. He likes to help people who are in troubles

even he is not asked to. He is the type who feels sorry if you remember bad

things he said to you that he had already forgotten,but you did not. Belief

him that he is very sorry and give him another chance.

Once he decides to do something, he will put all his mind and energy in it
either in his "Work", or "Love". He is the type who gamble anything in the
casino, so do not even take him there. He does not like pessimistic, low
energy, and depress person, especially no brain. Strangely he like to
overpowered this type of people to assure that he is more superior.

He like to be the first person to do something. You can see sparkling in
his
eyes, once he meet a new target or new lover. Once he is in love, he will
act as if he never has love like this before. This minute he could be real
sugar sweet, and later he could also be an icy cold, but do not blame him
for that will only chase him away. He could fall in love again with another

girl and act again like he never has this kind of love before.He could
really love someone, but not a heart broken type for he thinks love is
"excitement" and "Love goes on".

If you date this kind of guy, do not or avoid showing your face to him with

face pack, face mask, always be presentable, nice and cute. If he is quiet
not because he is shy, but he is only quietly thinking. If you have a
chance
to ask his X-girlfriend, she will tell you that he is not a shy or quiet
type. If he is really and truly in love with you, he will never lie to you
at all. How do you know if he loves you, bet on your faith! Love him and
treat him steadily and do not try to find anything to argue with him, he
will be with you for sure.

If you are his lover or girlfriend and need to tell him something, go and
say it out loud and straight forward because he hate long boring story. He
hate to play games, chasing for love or being chased, so let him call you
first. He likes a confident woman who also a good follower. If he gets mad
at you, let him be for only a short time he will be normal again. You have
to like and be able to get along with his friends, but he does not have to
do so with all your friends.

Don't ever think you could make him jealous by flirting with other man, he
will just leave instead of making a scene because he is a confident man and

has to be the first in everything.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

There is Something It cannot try out even once~

Erm...today~
i wanna say sorry to someone~
is a worst situation now~
i wish that i refuse the suggestion~
if i had refuse it~
maybe~
it wont happen now~
haiz~
what can i do now?
i dnt hope that i lost a good friend
hope that tomorrow will have a chance to say sorry~

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Bye~my 19th birthday~

Goodbye my 19th birthday~
i dint celebrates with my family~
dint celebrates with friends~
but at least~
a girl~she appear online~
even just chatting~
for a few minutes~
Is enough for me~^^
Got to bed now~
good night everyone~

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Today~17th of febuary 2009~
Is my 19th Birthday~
but doesn't feel any happyness at all....
maybe is because
i dint celebrate my birthday since 12yrs old~
no celebration~
dint recieve any present~
hmm....but is ok~
already get used to it~
Life's still have to go on~^^
go to school~
stay at home~
planning for something~
wondering somethings~
online waiting someone~
making a handcraft~
as a present for someone~
will get back to malaysia
4th of march and
thailand again at 9th of march~
at the end~
i would like to say:
"~Happy Birthday to Me~"

Monday, February 16, 2009

Hmm....today was funny~^^
reach home in bangkok was 2 am~
then take a few hour rest ~
wake at 5am~prepare to school~
abit nervous because
today i will have a exam for the language course~
before the exam~the teachers barely review the subject~
just for about 5 minutes~
at the end~
i can say that it was kinda easy~:P
haha~
after the class ends~
i have a lil conversation with my friends~
say that if i wanna learn japanese language~
can she teach me?
im so happy the i heard the answer
"YES"
hehe~
and now~
im sleepy ~
my eyes are very tired today~
my body was heavy now~
because i had done a lots of things~
Good nite everyone~^^
wish you have a nice dream~

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Boring Day

hmm.....
is 1.15am now~and i feel sleepy a bit~
but still have to write a diary for today~^^
today is was a boring day~
some of my friends now i think that they are
still celebrating the Valentine's day even its already pass~^^
and me~just staying at my room~
have a clean up my messy stuff~
calculate about the living fees for the next month~
have a simple meal~
day dreaming(while studying)~
have a chat with my friends(~the special one for me~)^^
well.....is kinda lonely here~but i had get used to it~
very very long time ago~XD
and now i have no idea why i cant get to sleep~but very sleepy~
now im listen some soft music for try to get some sleep~
bye ~

Sunday, February 8, 2009



This girl~is special(for me)~
she was just 15 years old

when the 1st time we meet~
she is Pretty~
friendly~
cute~
think positive~
very creative~
we had chat b4~and i enjoyed everytime we chat~
just feels like chatting without any worry~
can share about our secret?(maybe someday)
and now she is in US~
studying somewhere(not gonna tell others~)
it is nice to have a friends like her~^^
Well....this is the 1st time i write my blog~
and is also the 1st time i created a blog~
im a newbie here~
and will try to update my life time every day~^^
take care me ok?~^^

~!*\[C.C]/*!~